My husband went back to work today with restrictions on light to medium duty...hooray!!! He was so nervous, but his back is much, much better and we really need the extra income. Workman's compensation only pays 70% of your salary and that with my social security was not even enough to pay the monthly bills and get groceries. We have a very small savings account we have been living off of to make up the difference these past several months. I am so happy David is feeling better. He got signed up with new physical therapists who genuinely cared about him and he began to do his exercises after a while, and the pool therapy was very helpful, too! You never really know how much you depend on your back until you mess it up. I have been thinking about trying to go back to work part-time to help us out financially. I cannot make a lot or I will lose my social security and if the job is very difficult I could lose my disability, so it is a big decision, but we have no choice at this point. We used credit for Christmas and those bills will make our monthly amounts higher, so we have to do something. You see we have nothing to fall back on because I used all of my 401k and retirement when I became disabled and left my job and David does not have either of these. God has really been there for us through everything and I believe He knows what our next step will be, so we just have to buck up and take it on faith that it will all work out okay. God has healed David and he is working again, so we will just take one step at a time. On the one hand I am scared we may lose our house, but on the other I have faith God will lead us through this time as only He can. Thanks for listening to me today. It has been a while since I have written and I had a lot to say. God bless you all and merry Christmas!

I get sad when I think how much evil there really is in this world. Just recently, some people that I love have been badly hurt and put through a horrible ordeal they should never have had to face, all because of someone's words...sometimes words CAN hurt.

My husband injured his back at work on June 28th and has been having a hard time recovering. He has had some physical therapy and now has water therapy and more physical therapy. The doctor has given him some medicine to take for pain, but he just won't take it. It is supposed to help with the pain so that he does not hurt too much when he goes to therapy, but since he does not take it he is all tensed up when he goes. He has just started taking it once a day for the last 5 days, so we'll see how that goes, even though it is prescribed for twice a day. The therapist gives him exercises to do at home to help stretch the muscles but he won't do them either, stating it hurts too much. He has done one exercise at home since this all started. It frustrates me because I know he could be feeling better sooner if he would just do what the doctor and therapist tells him to do, but whenever I mention he should do them it turns into a fight and I try my best to avoid fights. I have prayed on this since it happened but nothing seems to be getting better. I know I have to wait for things to happen in God's time, not mine, but I am afraid my husband may never get back to work if he continues on this way. I have actually lost some respect for him because of his actions, too. I love him deeply, but why doesn't he want to get better? I have to drive him everywhere because he says it will hurt to drive, even though the doctor has told him to try driving now. What is a wife to do???

Today I get to keep my 6-year-old niece and 8-year-old nephew overnight and I am so excited about it! They make me so very happy. :-) I am blessed to have such loving children in my life. Their parents, my brother and sister-in-law, who I feel close enough to to call my sister, are wonderful people who make me and my husband feel so very loved! We look forward to being with them every chance we can. Of all of my siblings, I feel the most genuine love from this brother and "sister" than any other and it feels good to be really special to and be able to count on someone. I love their children with all of my heart and they make me feel special. It is always a wondeful feeling to have them over because I cannot have children of my own and they help fill that void. This family lifts me and my husband up more than anyone might realize and we are thankful to God for the blessing of them in our lives.

He pops open another beer, I think it's his eighth tonight. I secretly cry when think about what his liver must look like. This man, my husband, the man I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with is wasting his by drinking. I feel robbed of what a marriage is supposed to be. I am scared each day that day will be his last because the alcohol has taken over his liver. He says he wants to quit but every attempt has failed. I pray so hard for an answer, but he continues to drink. I love this man with all of my heart but I never wanted to be married to a chronic drinker. What can I do for him? He is stubborn and just won't stop. I cannot leave him. That is not an option. I'm trapped but want so badly to help him while I also want a better life for myself...

I am a first-time blogger and I have no clue what it is all about. I always have a lot of things in my head that I might want to talk about, but not particularly with other people, so I figure I can write stuff here from time to time. God is my light and His love and sacrifice for me is what keeps me going each and every day. However; even when you have a good faith, you can fall into a dark place or have unhappiness. I feel I can use this blog best to talk about those kind of things when they happen in my life. I am hopeful blogging will be an avenue for me to get through some of the emptiness and loneliness that hangs in my heart sometimes. I guess that is all I have to say for now. I will be writing back soon.